


pushing up daisies

by littlelooneyluna



Series: pushing up daisies [1]
Category: robron
Genre: Angst, M/M, Mpreg, a lot of bloody angst tbh and yet some fluff too, this is new for me but i had a great time writing it, yes lads that says MPREG
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-21
Updated: 2019-04-21
Packaged: 2020-01-22 23:54:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18538054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlelooneyluna/pseuds/littlelooneyluna
Summary: “I’m just ...” Robert looks at Aaron, really looks at him and Aaron looks away from him. “You look different.” He whispers.Aaron’s eyes flicker slightly. “Your leather jacket is annoying.”“Eh?”“I thought we were pointing out random things.” Aaron says, he puffs his chest as he speaks.





	pushing up daisies

**Author's Note:**

> so this is a new fic of mine lol, different area, one i haven’t ventured into before but this was such fun? i had a great time writing it though and sooooo hope you like reading it

Aaron left on Tuesday. Robert didn’t see him go but it’s a small village, word gets around and Chas has a real issue with keeping her mouth shut.

He’s nursing a pint in the pub when he hears her flapping around about it, she looks really stressed out and he understands it a little. Aaron got out of prison a few days ago and suddenly he’s off again. 

If she wasn’t so annoying, he’d feel a little sorry for him. But she just has to ruin it. She scowls over towards him and tells him to leave.

“I’m not finished.” He half shrugs, feels a frown forming on his face because they haven’t exactly called a cease fire on their hatred for each other. He thought they had considering Aaron was released without charge. Clearly not. She skirts around the bar and takes his half drunk pint from him without a second thought. “I don’t want you in here.” She snarls.

He huffs, stands awkwardly considering he’s been you know _shot_ , but she doesn’t even seem fazed. She shows him the door and he walks out slowly, milking it for all it’s worth. He manages to hang on her words though, hear her complaining about how unfair it is that Aaron’s ran away and yet he gets to stay. 

It’s hardly his fault. 

 

—

 

Vic’s changing his sheets, the weird old flowery ones so he’s forced to sit on the naked mattress awkwardly. 

Naturally everything seems to go back to Aaron, he pokes his head out the window and sees the spot where he was shot. It makes him cower slightly and then he pushes through it just in time to hear Aaron lashing out at him. 

‘I hate you and nothing you can do is ever going to change that.’

It was the last time they spoke. Right then and there, he watched Aaron stalk away and that was it. 

Vic pushing through the door with his sheets is enough to make him jump up a little, make him sore. 

“You in your own little world?” Vic has started to treat him like a three year old, it’s really not that great. 

“Just thinking.” Robert mumbles, and he wants it to stay that way but soon he can hear Adam’s booming voice. “What’s his problem?”

“Aaron.” She sits on the bed slowly and he watches it dip just slightly. He concentrates on that until she speaks again. “You know he’s just upt and left right?” 

Robert’s eyes flicker. “Why should I care?” He whispers, shrugs as well just to really point out how much he doesn’t give a fuck. 

Vic moves a hand across her hair and then bites her lip, she looks all worried. “Did he say goodbye?”

“Seriously Vic?” Robert frowns. “Do you know how much he hates me?” He gets up slowly, can’t help but clutch at his chest like some loser as he goes. 

Vic starts putting the bedsheets back on, turns towards him as she pops a button. “Not enough to shoot you.”

It doesn’t matter that they let him go in the end though, because in that court room Aaron looked like he wanted to shoot him dead right there and then. No one gets how much it doesn’t matter. 

“Right so you should be expecting us to get married then.” Robert says, just to get her rolling her eyes and backing off. “He’s gone, he ... one of us had to leave anyway and it could hardly be me in my state.”

Vic brings the covers up and then pulls them down again, stretches them neatly over the bed. “So he did you a favour then?” She asks and Robert’s an idiot, so he nods along.

 

—

 

He nearly has a heart attack because Chrissie thinks she’s fucking pregnant. It’s a stupid false alarm and he bites his tongue about it potentially being the menopause knocking on her door.

But it only makes her want this divorce even more. 

For some reason it knocks him back even further, they’re over, they’re so fucking over but Aaron is gone and Chrissie wants nothing to do with him and it makes him feel like absolute shit.

Because he’s never felt so alone in his life. 

 

—

 

Another week goes by and Adam is losing his shit over Aaron disappearing because he’s working all on his own.

That’s the reason Robert uses when he calls on his mate. 

“Yeah I need you to ... track someone down for me.” 

And the thing is, it’s Chas’ fault entirely because she just doesn’t know anything herself. He bites his tongue at the fact that Aaron didn’t feel able to tell her where he’d gone. He holds back on calling her a shit mother because she’s a wreck about it. 

So instead of that, he takes matters into his own hands. He makes the call and waits for what feels like forever until he finally hears back.

He’s in Leeds.

 

—

 

The address takes him to some flat in the middle of the town centre and he doesn’t understand any of it. He was hoping that Aaron had fucked off to Ireland with the rest of the Dingles went when they were pissed off.

But this is different, it feels different, it feels permanent and grown up and it makes his heart race.

Because maybe he was thinking Aaron was going to stroll back into the village any day now. 

He knows he shouldn’t care, he _doesn’t_. It’s Adam who’s getting on his nerves about him being gone, and Chas, and fuck it’s his business too that’s going under because of the idiot. 

He has all these reasons and he lets them fester in his mind until he gets to the door and knocks. Suddenly it feels wrong, it feels like he’s invading, like Aaron’s going to open the door and close it straight away.

Only he doesn’t, he’s too shocked to react that quickly because Robert Sugden has managed to track him down. It’s not like he went fully undercover, but he thought this would work. 

“What — what are you doing here?” Aaron’s mouth twitches, his eyes are large and blue and Robert gulps hard around it. 

“Seeing you.” 

Aaron just looks angry and Robert realises how stupid he is. He’s just turned up and expected his words to come out all eloquently. 

“Why are you here?” Aaron says, he’s still standing by the door, he has it half open and he’s black hoodie pulls across him like he’s cold. 

Robert’s eyes flicker. “Because Adam doesn’t know where you are, the business is —“

Aaron’s eyes turn beady. “The _business_?” He scoffs. “You think I give a shit about that?” He can’t help himself, he pushes at the door and Robert has to push back just as hard to get into the flat. 

He’s all awkwardly out of breath for it and Aaron gives him a tiny look before he shifts his eyes away. Robert looks around the place and realises that it hardly looks like Aaron’s living in it. It looks temporary and Robert shouldn’t be so relieved.

“I just needed to see you, Adam’s confused. Everyone’s confused.” Robert explains.

“You need to go away.” Aaron says quickly. “You don’t get to be here.” 

“I’m just ...” Robert looks at Aaron, really looks at him and Aaron looks away from him. “You look different.” He whispers.

Aaron’s eyes flicker slightly. “Your leather jacket is annoying.”

“Eh?”

“I thought we were pointing out random things.” Aaron says, he puffs his chest out slightly and Robert tells him to stop. “Stop what?”

“Being so ... _angry_.”

“Why? Am I going to get tied to a radiator again?” 

Robert hears it, he sees it too, that fucking mess of a breakdown he likes to call the end of him and Aaron.  

“I just ...”

“Just go away.” Aaron shouts, he has both his hands up as he pushes Robert towards the door and Robert just so happens to spin around to look at him one more time. 

And that’s when he sees it.

A fucking bump.

“What the ...” Robert can’t catch his breath, he just stares down at the large fucking bump that Aaron’s sporting. Almost like he’s pregnant. It’s the weirdest thing he’s ever seen before and he’s waiting for Aaron to provide some sort of explanation, only he doesn’t. 

Aaron just hangs his head and looks gutted. He looks like this is the last thing he wanted to happen: 

So it makes sense, a little bit, it makes sense that he’s actually —

“You’re pregnant?” 

Aaron raises his head quickly, shakes it and Robert can see the anger in his eyes. “It has _nothing_ to do with you.”

“You’re — oh my God.”

“Can you calm down?” Aaron snaps. He zips up his hoodie and then leans against the wall. He searches the look on Robert’s face and then sighs. “It’s not even that visible.”

Only it is. Only it’s more than just a little pouch. 

“Of course it is.” Robert hisses, you could look past it he supposes, but now that he knows it’s there, he can’t see anything else. “Is that why you left?” 

Aaron doesn’t say anything, he doesn’t _owe_ Robert a damn thing so he keeps quiet. “Will you stop staring at it.” He snaps, goes to turn his body around but Robert holds at his shoulder and it’s the first time they’ve touched like this for so long.

Aaron shoves him off so quickly, backs towards the wall. “It doesn’t concern you.”

Only it has to.

“Aaron, that’s — it’s mine as well then.” He looks like he’s going to be sick, that’s all Aaron homes in on. Robert can’t help but remember absolutely everything between them, they were fucking careless.

Aaron’s whole demeanour changes. “No it isn’t.”

Robert squints. “You don’t have to do this.”

“I’m not doing anything, it’s not yours.” He shrugs, almost like it means absolutely nothing at all. 

Robert gulps, he feels his heart thump in his chest. “But we weren’t ... especially — we didn’t use anything half the time.”

“Yeah I know.” Aaron twists at his lip. “I was convinced it was yours but the dates ... they don’t match up. You were up Donny’s arse when this happened so don’t worry.”

He says it so flippantly. He says it like it doesn’t really matter at all.

“What? You hurt by it?” Aaron says, he has a little smirk on his face. “You’re not the only one who wasn’t the _only_ one.”  

Robert shuts his eyes. “Well that’s a relief.” He says, and he watches Aaron’s eyes flicker. “Because Chrissie thought she was pregnant too and —“

“So we both got a lucky escape.” 

 Robert tries to make out it doesn’t hurt. “Yeah. Whatever.” He looks towards the door, dips his head and then looks back at Aaron. “So I take it ... your mum doesn’t know.” 

Aaron’s face reddens. “About me getting up the duff after a pointless one night stand? No.” 

“She’d take it better than the devil himself getting you pregnant.” Robert says and Aaron comes further towards him, he clearly isn’t finding this funny at all. 

He looks like he _hates_ Robert so much. It makes Robert have to look away. 

“You don’t tell anyone.” Aaron says. “Think that’s the _least_ you owe me.” 

Robert’s eyes flicker. “You cost me my marriage when you outed me to everyone you know?” 

He actually hasn’t had the chance to say any of this, he wanted to put it all behind them but now he’s bitter and alone. 

Aaron’s eyes flicker just slightly and then he scowls. “So we’re even? I don’t think so. Just keep your mouth shut and never come back here again.” He says, he looks right at Robert and then he looks away again, steps back.

Robert just stares at him, eyes still wide. 

“Stop looking at it.” Aaron snaps. “Do one.” He pushes and opens the door and Robert lands up on the other side within seconds.

 

—

 

Getting a man pregnant is possible. It’s a thing. But it’s so much rarer than he wants to care to admit.

 

—

 

Aaron’s told Adam that he’s had an emergency, that he’s in France with a mate of his who needs his help and that seems to be it.

He’s never really had Aaron down as a proper liar before but apparently he can make up a whole heap of shit when he needs to. He’s got Adam feeling sorry for him somehow.

Chas gets off his back too, she’s obviously heard from him and he’s gone from hating her to feeling sorry for her because she has no clue that her son’s pregnant.

The more he thinks about it the more he freaks out.

He can’t imagine Aaron with a baby, it’d be so small in his hands and he’d probably spend all day just staring down at it. He keeps drifting off and thinking about it, Aaron and his stupid baby. 

It seems to be all he thinks about, and then all he dreams about and he needs to snap out of it but he can’t. 

He has a dream that Aaron’s struggling with it, the baby, and he’s all alone in that small flat of his. He doesn’t want that for him, because yeah Aaron absolutely despises him but he doesn’t despise him back. 

So sue him for caring a little. But he can’t help himself. 

 

—

 

He drives over there, he watches from his car because it’s been a week now and he’s not sure what he’s supposed to do. He can’t get over it, sort of wants to track down this other guy and kill him.

He doesn’t have any fucking right though. He knows that. He also knows that he should just stay well clear of the whole situation. 

But Aaron’s _alone_ isn’t he? He’s alone and pregnant and he’s a bloke who doesn’t know the first thing about them. 

It only takes a few more minutes of him worrying about Aaron for him to climb out of the car and start pressing at his buzzer. He doesn’t get anything back though, nothing happens at all and he realises that he’s probably at work or something.

He doesn’t even know if he _should_ be working. If that’s a thing. If men are covered for that sort of thing.

He doesn’t fucking know. 

All he does know is that someone’s pushing at the door whilst he’s pulling at it and some bloke nearly falls onto him. He doesn’t even apologise, just tells him that all his ringing on the buzzer killed the mood.

He only realises what he means when he gets back into his car and starts the engine again. 

He tries not to think about the way his heart hurts.

 

—

 

He isn’t heartbroken because he’s not a teenager so let’s stop thinking like that. It’s all he’s telling himself when Vic sees him the next day lounging about in the kitchen. 

“You okay?” Vic asks, she has a hand on her hip and tilts her head. “Is this about Chrissie?” She seems to go right in for the kill and he only stares around at her and frowns. 

“What about her?”

“She’s gone on holiday.” Vic says uneasily, “Don’t know if she’ll be uh ... back.” She scratches her hair awkwardly and he snaps.

“Am I supposed to be surprised? She wanted me dead, we’re over and done with.” Robert’s voice is louder than it should be and she only scowls at him, immediately unimpressed. 

“Fine!” Vic shouts back. “I just ... you seem like something is on your mind.” She knows him and it’s so annoying. 

Robert holds onto the counter and breathes out deeply. “Nothing.” He says quietly.

“Aaron?”

It gets him out the door and she yanks him back so hard that he wheezes. 

“I was _shot_.” He says, holding onto his chest and Vic pulls a face. “Will you get off my case.”

“Are you worried about Aaron or not?” 

“You wouldn’t understand.” Robert decides to say as he sits down on the kitchen chair and closes his eyes. “Not even a little.” 

Vic sighs. “I know you still care about him ...”

“He doesn’t want me around.” Robert says, and Vic doesn’t have a clue what he’s on about but she still stays. “I need to just let him get on with ... his life.”

Because it’s not any of his business.

Apparently.

 

—

 

So it turns out that Andy was the one who got Robert shot. 

It only takes Ashley’s incompetence and a game of chicken to get to the bottom of it. The thing is, Andy doesn’t even care that Robert knows. He’s more worried about the police finding out and doesn’t spare a thought for Robert, for _Aaron_.

He doesn’t want his mind to go back there but it does, because Aaron could have been charged and spend years in prison for it. 

And he’s pregnant, he would have had a baby in prison all because of fucking Andy. 

He deserves to know, so that’s why he goes around to see him. 

“What the fuck’s happened to you?” Aaron’s voice sounds stretched and Robert realises that he’s not even cleaned himself up. He’s had a pretty eventful day as it happens and didn’t realise he looked so awful. 

He does. He looks really pretty awful. 

Aaron’s eyes are shiny and he hovers a hand over Robert’s shoulder before retreating slowly.

“Andy did it.” Robert says, he looks down at Aaron’s stomach because he can’t help himself and then his eyes stretch up towards Aaron again. “He was the one who got me shot.” 

“You’re not making — what do you mean?” Aaron zips his hoodie up further like he has to shield himself and then he watches Robert slump down onto the sofa and explain everything. “He really hates you that much?” He says, minutes later.

“And you. If they didn’t ... you could have been in prison. Pregnant.” He looks up and sees Aaron look away from him, clearly unsettled by the prospect. 

“So what now? Are you telling the police ...” Aaron sighs. “Of course you’re not.”

“He’s my — I don’t want to get them involved.” Robert looks down at himself, they’ve stitched up his wound but it’s already getting bloody again so it’s hardly been a success. He sighs hard and then when he goes to stand, Aaron pushes him back down on the sofa.

“You want a glass of water?” Aaron might as well be getting down on one knee.

Robert just stares at him, eyes wide and face blank until he nods slightly and he’s got a glass of water in one hand and a towel in the other. He presses down on his wound and watches as Aaron chews at his nails and stays close to the wall like he can’t bring himself to sit next to Robert.

“Shouldn’t you be taking it easy.” Robert lifts his head and watches Aaron rolls his eyes. “I don’t mean to tell you what to do, it’s just ... pregnant men loose nearly as much energy as women. I looked up ...”

“You’ve been looking it up?” Aaron’s face is practically unreadable but what’s new? Robert flashes red and he dips his head. “I don’t need anyone looking out for me, least of all you.”

“I get it.” Robert says, he sips at his water and realises that Aaron’s not pushing him out the door this time, it seems to be progress. He almost smiles and then remembers the guy he had in here a few days ago. “But who else have you got? Who else knows?” 

Aaron plays with his zipper, and Robert can still see the bump. He wonders if Aaron likes ignoring it completely. 

“Tell me the dad knows.” Robert says heavily, the idea of Aaron with someone else isn’t ever going to make his heart sing but he has to look past that for the sake of this kid. Aaron naturally tells him it’s none of his business. “Or his I take it?” 

Aaron just decides to ignore him altogether.

“Aaron you can’t go through this alone.” 

Aaron scoffs. “Through what? I get fat and a baby pops out.” He makes Robert want to slap him around the head at first and then he understands what he’s getting at. 

“Oh.” He says like an idiot. “So you won’t be keeping it?”

Aaron freezes a little, he starts playing with his zipper again and then frowns. “What do I know about raising a kid?” He asks. “I’m still young, I don’t have anyone ...

“That’s not true.” Robert almost can’t help but blurt out. “If you need ...” he sees Aaron just staring at him. “I can help, money wise I —“

He clearly says the wrong thing because Aaron moves towards the door and tells him he should go.

“Please Aaron, if you wont speak to your mum then ... then I’m here. It’s going to be —“

“I don’t want you.” Aaron shouts. “I haven’t for a _very_ long time, and for _once_ this isn’t a problem you have to chuck your cash at. It has nothing to do with you.”

Robert’s eyes flicker as he hears the words, it feels like he’s being punched. “It doesn’t feel that way.”

Aaron doesn’t say anything, and Robert is thankful because he doesn’t want him to know how he feels, how it still feels like they’ve got this connection or something. 

He’s probably always going to care about him and it’s probably always going to be too late.

 

—

 

Vic reckons he needs a hobby and he tells her to do one in the nicest way possible. She wants him out the house more and he realises that Adam’s probably behind it all. 

It only has one effect really.

He’s lucky someone holds the door for him when he arrives. He gets up to the flat and Aaron opens the door with a frown on his face.

He looks pretty exhausted.

“How many times do I have to say the same thing to you?” He doesn’t even sound angry anymore, but his jaw locks and he looks it. 

“I was just passing.” Robert lies. “I thought I’d see how you are.” But because of the fact that it’s been a grand total of a week, nothing much has changed. 

“Still pregnant, still nothing to do with you.” Aaron says, he crosses his arms over and Robert can see the bump clearer now. He just stares down at it for a second before hearing Aaron sigh. “Is this about Andy?”

And Andy is the least of his worries, he’s fucked off for a while because Victoria was getting suspicious. He’s out of the picture for now.

“No. He’s gone away.” 

“Apparently Chrissie has to.” Aaron looks down, just hearing him say her name brings up a bunch of memories. “Is that the real reason why you’re here. You’re bored?” He says and then he turns around and goes back inside, he doesn’t slam at the door so Robert follows him in.

“I know you hate me.”

“That’s an understatement.”

“But I just want you to know that you’re not on your own in this.” Robert says, “I shouldn’t care but I do.” Aaron doesn’t say anything, in fact he keeps pretty quiet as Robert sits down on the sofa and plays with his hands. “So you’re putting it up for adoption?” 

Aaron just nods his head slowly.

“Can you do that without telling ... the other dad?” Robert asks, and Aaron looks caught off guard, he clearly hasn’t researched about any of this. “We can find out.” 

Aaron huffs and starts walking away, Robert calls out for him and he shouts about needing to piss before disappearing down a corridor.

Robert sighs, leans forward and looks at the coffee table in front of him. He’s stunned into the life he’s leading now and it’s all he can think about before he starts playing with a weird fossil on the table and then notices something under a stack of envelopes.

He pulls it out slowly to see what it is and his heart stops. It’s a scan picture.

It’s a tiny little baby. Aaron’s baby. 

He’s freaked out. He’s naturally freaked out but then a small smile appears out of nowhere and he nearly forgets that Aaron’s come back into the room. It takes seconds for him to rip the picture out of Robert’s hands.

“What do you think you’re doing?”

“It was just — Aaron, I didn’t mean to —“ he’s trying to rationalise everything, use his head about this and he realises that Aaron must have some feelings for the kid if he’s asked for a scan picture. 

Aaron runs a hand through his hair and Robert wants to reach out and touch him but he refrains in favour of apologising again. 

“You had no right.” Aaron bites hard down on his lip. “You need to leave me alone, I seriously mean it.” He says. 

Robert can hear the emotion thick in his voice and he keeps his head down. “You can’t go through this alone.” He can’t imagine Aaron just handing over a baby like that, but the idea of Aaron raising one all by himself is even harder to think about. “Please let me find the bloke and I’ll —“

Aaron suddenly comes closer towards him. “See this.” He points to his stomach. “Not yours.” He says and then he points to his chest. “Neither is this. Me and — my baby have ... nothing to do with you.” He has tears in his eyes. 

Robert feels it like a punch to his stomach and he figures that’s what Aaron wanted it to feel like. He still manages to get there, twist and push and make everything in Robert’s head turn to shit. 

He stands awkwardly and then closes his eyes. He knows he can’t come back, he _knows_ and that’s why he’s getting so annoyingly sad about all of it.

He doesn’t have any fucking rights over Aaron anymore. He never did in the first place. 

“Please take care of yourself.” Robert says heavily, and then it hits him. It hits him just how much Aaron hates him, doesn’t want him around at all. He doesn’t understand what he’s been playing at, all he knows is that Aaron’s having a baby and eventually he might return to the village.

He’ll leave the same day he arrives.

 

—

 

Okay so he was a little dramatic about it all. It’s not like he’s taken a pill and suddenly Aaron isn’t on his mind anymore no, he’s just deciding to be really rational about his life.

He’s wasting his time trying to what? Convince Aaron that he could be there for him. The situation itself is a dramatic one, there’s a whole baby in the mix and he knows he couldn’t raise some randoms kid but he also knows how he feels about Aaron. As soon as his mind drifts there though, he realises that he doesn’t hold a single card in this game. 

It’s all Aaron. 

Which is why he’s starting to launch his own business, away from Emmerdale entirely. It’s sort of also why he’s at this bar. 

The lighting is too dark for business and so he simply rolls his eyes when some old guy shows up wearing a suit and a smirk on his face. 

“Thought this would be more ... comfortable.” And if the twat thinks they’re going to fuck then he’s completely delusional. He shakes his head at him, bites his tongue against all the ridiculous stuff he’s saying and then tries to show him his business plans. “I don’t think this could work.” He decides, forty five minutes later. 

“What?”

“Lawrence has warned me about you. You and Chrissie are divorcing I see.” The twat turns into a bigger twat and Robert suddenly realises that he’s never going to be anything but a complete failure. 

He pushes past him, gets to the entrance of the bar and then stops dead when he sees the two men in the corner of the bar. One is clearly drunk, the other is Aaron. It’s embarrassing how quickly he can tell who it is, in fact, it makes him nervous and feel like a fool but he knows him. 

He’s got a purple jumper on, baggy as ever and the bomber he’s got over it looks weird and stretched. He has a hand on Aaron’s knee and then his face and then he’s kissing his neck and practically dragging him towards the toilets.

Robert’s the fool who follows them. It’s like watching a car crash. You should look away, send for help, but instead you just stare with your eyes real wide. 

He hangs back until he hears Aaron’s gruff voice saying one word. No. It’s all it takes for him to practically fly kick the door of the cubicle down and get the man off of Aaron. He pushes him hard against the tiles, has an arm horizontal against his neck. 

“He said no.” Robert says, and he doesn’t like this person he is, the anger scary one who ties Aaron up in the not sexy ways. He feels a hand on his shoulder, and he turns to see Aaron shaking his head at him and telling him to let go of him.

He does, so abruptly that the idiot nearly falls over. 

“You’re acting like I was forcing him, he wanted it.”

“You were ... rough and I —“ It’s probably subconscious but Aaron’s hand grazes across his stomach for a second and Robert feels his insides practically churn. 

“So what? You not up for —“

“He’s _pregnant_ so I don’t think so, _no_.” Robert shouts and the guy just looks at Aaron completely different, he can see it happen and Aaron just has his head down. 

“Fucking hell.” The guy wipes roughly at his mouth and then gets out the door before Aaron can say anything. He has his head down, he just keeps it down and Robert comes towards him slowly and holds his shoulder.

“Should I get you home?” His voice is hardly there, he tries to be as sensitive as he can about it but he can’t help to sound a little urgent. He doesn’t know what the guy’s thinking, he could come back in any minute shouting the odds. 

Aaron stares up at him. “What are you doing here?” He whispers.

Robert sighs. “I was meeting a potential client but he didn’t seem interested in my business plans.”

Aaron gulps. “Business plans?” 

“Away from the village. Something that’s mine.” Robert says adamantly, Aaron just sort of stares at him, he doesn’t actually say anything at all and then he feels Aaron finally brush off the hand that’s been pressed on his shoulder. 

“I need to go.” Aaron says heavily, he rubs a hand across his face and sighs when Robert offers to drive him back. “I thought I made things clear?”

“When you shouted in my face and told me to go? I mean ... yeah but it’s not like I purposely ran into you.” Robert shrugs, buries a hand in his pocket and stares down at Aaron’s stomach again.

“Wouldn’t put it past you.” Aaron scoffs, he gets towards the door and then looks back at Robert. He looks like he wants to say something pretty desperately but he doesn’t. He just leaves and Robert tries to make out that it doesn’t matter at all.

 

—

 

He’s home all by himself when it happens. Vic’s all proud of him for apparently “pulling himself together before he got old” and he’s working on trying to secure another business deal. It’s not like he has one in the first place but he’s trying.

All the trying has made him stop thinking about the big A in his life. The Aaron Problem which isn’t really his problem at all.

He’s not sure why he still regards it as something to do with him. The baby’s not his, Aaron’s not his. 

End of.

The thought circles around his mind when he looks down at his phone and sees who it is. It’s telling that Aaron’s still A on his phone, it makes him not want to answer it at all because it reminds him of a shit time where he hurt him. 

He nearly doesn’t but it’s _Aaron_. It’s him so he answers without as much hesitation as he should.

“Hello?” He tilts his head a little, holds the phone against his ear as he taps away on the laptop out in front of him. 

“Rob, oh _God_ Robert I can’t — please come, I can’t —“

It’s all he can hear, it’s literally all he can hear and he doesn’t know what he’s supposed to say back but somehow words come out of his mouth. 

“What’s wrong? Are you —“

“ _Please_.” Aaron shouts, his voice sounds different. He sounds scared and Robert flys out the door before he hears anything else.

 

—

 

He knows he goes through a few red lights but he can’t help himself, he’s scared shitless over it all and it only gets worse when he sees that Aaron’s door is half open already. 

He walks in and sees him leaning over the sofa, he’s clutching at his stomach and tears are running down his face.

“Aaron?” 

He lifts his head up and tears start pooling in his eyes again, he doesn’t say anything for a second and then he bites his lip and moves his hands away from his stomach.

There’s blood.

He’s bleeding.

“Shit.” Robert rushes forward, he holds at Aaron’s shoulders and lifts his head by his chin. “Hey look, it’s — can you move?”

Aaron just starts crying again, he’s properly crying now and he just shakes his head. “Hurts.” He says, “I’m sorry.” He says and in amongst it all, Robert doesn’t even really register what he’s saying at all. He just fishes into his pocket and gets out his phone.

“Yeah uh ... God we need ... ambulance please.” Robert stretches a hand across Aaron’s and squeezes tightly. “They’ll be ten minutes okay? That’s all.” He doesn’t know how he’s supposed to react, he doesn’t know what happens in these situations but he just keeps squeezing at Aaron’s hand.

It’s bloody, it makes him want to pull away but at the same time it makes him want to hold on even tighter.

“It’s okay.”

“I don’t want to lose her, I don’t.” Aaron says, he’s crying again, he shudders and leans over a little more and Robert freezes a little.

“Her?”

Aaron raises his head, eyes flickering a little and he gulps. “Yeah.” He says, the tears still steaming down his face but his demeanour changing slightly as if he’s realised what he’s said.

Robert feels his chin go. He sees Aaron with a little bundle. “A little girl eh? Your little girl, she’s going to be _fine_.” 

Aaron tries to smile and then he’s hit with another wave of something, it makes him bend over further and he blows out a breath. “I’m losing her, I don’t want — this is all my fault.”

“No, of course it isn’t.” Robert says hastily. “It’ll be nothing.”

“She kicked and — I had a — beer, I didn’t want to feel her and now she’s —“ Aaron squeezes down even harder on Robert’s hand and Robert just wants to make it all go away for him. 

“Aaron please don’t —“ Robert says and he hears the sound of the ambulance coming, he sighs with relief and shouts for them to come up towards them. 

Aaron doesn’t let go of his hand, he still squeezes down hard as they get him into a chair and ten minutes later they’re wheeling him into the hospital.

Robert’s running behind, so many thoughts rushing through his head.

“Aaron, I know you don’t want to but ... we should really tell the bloke now, things could —“

“It’s you, you fucking idiot! Aaron shouts, he looks like he’s in agony, still has tears running down his face and yet he’s clear about that. 

“What?” Robert whispers, his mouth wide open as he speaks. 

“It’s you, you’re the — as if it could ah — ah ... be anyone else but you. It was only you.” Aaron’s words trip out as the nurse wheels him towards where he needs to be and he disappears out of sight.

 

—

 

He’s always known. Deep down he’s always known because it’s always made the most sense. 

He’s just not wanted to believe it, believe that him and Aaron have made a baby.

A girl. It’s a girl isn’t it? A little girl.

He’s completely lost in his thoughts by the time a nurse comes over towards him and tells him what’s happened. She has to call his name three times until he raises to his feet and nods nervously.

“How is he and ... her?” 

“We’ve managed to stop the bleeding altogether. He seems to still be in quite a state about it though so we were wondering if you could perhaps go and speak to him?” The nurse has her hair tied in a bun and he focuses in on the clip that’s keeping some loose hair in place. 

He doesn’t really register what she’s saying until she asks again and he nods a little.

“Are they okay though?”

“Bleeding is natural during pregnancy, and although we were a little concerned by the amount, the baby is perfectly fine. Sometimes they just like to cause a little scare.”

“Little.” Robert scoffs, because it felt like the world had stopped spinning and nothing has made him feel that way before. 

It’s what he thinks about when he walks in on Aaron sobbing his heart out, he covers his face with his hands and just cries. Robert’s never seen him like this before and it gets him all stupidly emotional as well as he leans out and holds at his knee.

“Hey, you’re both fine.”

“Are they sure?” It’s the first thing Aaron says, face blotchy and eyes wide. “They can’t be sure.”

“They are. These things happen sometimes.” Robert says, and he waits until Aaron’s calmed down before he says anything else. “I’m so glad you’re okay.” He says, feels the weight leave him chest as he speaks.

Only it seems to travel towards Aaron who sighs deeply. “I shouldn’t have told you.”

“Of course you should have. You think I’m letting you cope with this on your own?”

Aaron gulps hard and shakes his head a little. “You don’t get to decide.” He says, and his hands shake as he suddenly moves his arms tight around his stomach. 

Robert twitches slightly, realises that this must have been some sort of wake up call for him, some sort of realisation that he can’t give her up. 

“So you’re still ... giving her away?” 

Aaron shrugs lightly, strokes a hand across his stomach. “All I know is that ... this doesn’t change anything.” He says, “You knowing that ...”

“She’s yours as much as she is mine.” Robert says obviously, it’s maybe a little too blunt but it’s also the truth and Aaron seems overwhelmed by it.

“I don’t want your money.” Aaron says quietly. “I don’t want anything from you. I don’t need you Robert.”

Robert looks at Aaron and he feels his head dip. He feels the emotion rise through him. “Maybe so but ... maybe I need you two. You thought about that?”

Aaron just stares at him in shock. “You’re not ready to be a dad.”

“Says you.” He says and Robert instantly regrets it. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean ...”

The doctor ruins it, says that Aaron can go whenever he’s ready and Robert expects to be shown the door but he isn’t. Instead Aaron struggles off the bed by himself and then frowns at him.

“You not even driving me home then?” He says, and it’s something at least.

 

—

 

Aaron doesn’t tell him to get lost when he comes in after him. He doesn’t kick up a fuss when he sits on the sofa in silence and just tries to take it all in.

“You look like you want to be sick.” Aaron passes him a glass of water, he’s biting hard on his lip and his face is still pale. 

“No it’s just —“

“That’s what you looked like before.” Aaron says, he dips his head down towards his stomach and blinks. “When you saw me for the first time.”

Robert wrinkles up his nose. “It wasn’t like that. I’m just overwhelmed.” He whispers, he sips at his glass of water and then holds it steadily in his hand as Aaron hovers over him. He looks at his stomach again, blinks quickly against how big it looks now he knows it’s his kid too. 

“When’s she ... when’s she due?” Robert says, Aaron must know, he’s already had his scan, already knows the sex. 

Aaron’s still standing over him, holds at his stomach and then he decides to sit slowly on the sofa. He’s keeping a seat between them, making sure to and Robert pretends like he doesn’t mind. 

“December 24th.” Aaron says, and Robert instantly smiles. “But she might be ... before or after, I don’t really know.” 

“Just a ballpark figure then?” 

Aaron almost smiles. “You could say that yeah.” He plays with his hands and then holds his stomach a little tighter. Robert can see the fear in his eyes again and he doesn’t know what to do about it.

“You’re both okay, they wouldn’t have let you out if you weren’t okay.” Robert says, he smiles down at the bump and feels oddly attached already and he knows he shouldn’t. 

Aaron bites on his lip and shudders. “I heard her heartbeat, I had my fingers crossed and everything and I realised ... I love her already.” He rolls his eyes. “I don’t know why I convinced myself I didn’t.” 

Robert gulps hard though, mouth twitching just slightly. “Because of who her other dad is.” He says quietly. “Because of me.”

Aaron doesn’t even deny it, he just holds onto his stomach a little tighter like he’s shielding her from this big bad wolf. It looks like that anyway. It makes Robert apologise.

“Don’t.”

“You were going to go through this all on your own because you didn’t think you could ... rely on me.” Robert says, he turns a little and Aaron just frowns.

“How could I?” Aaron asks, eyes flickering. “We met for sex, you had a _wife_ , technically you still do. How could I possibly tell ya I was pregnant with your child?”

Robert darts down. “Because it’s my problem as well.”

 Aaron scowls, holds his stomach a little tighter. “She’s not a _problem_.” 

“I know, I didn’t mean that.” Robert says quietly, he mumbles a little and then sighs. “But ...”

“But what?” Aaron asks. “What would have happened if I told you? I couldn’t anyway.” 

Robert leans over slightly. “Why not?”

“You were in a coma.” Aaron whispers, he has tears in his eyes, “Everyone thought you would die and then I was arrested. It was after you’d called me everything under the sun, after you ... that lodge cabin.”

The gun, the threats.

Robert’s heart breaks. “Oh my God, you knew — you knew then?”

Aaron gulps, he nods his head. “I suspected. I came back after telling ... telling Chrissie and I got myself checked over and they told me.” 

It means a lot, it makes Robert feel sick. He could have made him lose her from all that fucking stress. 

“It was too late to ... but now I wouldn’t want her gone anyway so ...” Aaron blinks quickly, has a hand against his head now and then breathes out quicker. 

Robert thinks about them still meeting for sex, completely obvious, he thinks about him being so cruel and leaving Aaron time and time again. It’s all he thinks about. 

“The 24th of December. So that means ...”

“Probably after you said you loved me. When you kept telling me when we ... you know ...” Aaron is clearly thinking about it, and he’s glad that it wasn’t a stupid quick time. It meant something and they somehow got a baby out of it all. 

“I meant it.”

“You didn’t.”

Robert shudders. “I meant it so much.” He says. “I wouldn’t have said it ... if I didn’t mean it.”

Aaron doesn’t say anything but he doesn’t look as unsettled as he did a few minutes before. Maybe he’s accepting that Robert is a flawed bastard who is still capable of being in love with him. 

“Imagine we uh ... imagine you did run away that time when I asked you to.” Robert says, he knows he shouldn’t be saying anything but he can almost see a hint of a smile on Aaron’s face. It quickly fades. 

“You couldn’t even admit that you were gay.” 

Robert feels it creep in around him, he doesn’t know how he’s supposed to react to that but Aaron looks like he doesn’t expect him to say anything. He breathes out steadily. 

“That wouldn’t have mattered. I loved you and that’s ... that would have been the only thing that mattered.” Robert doesn’t look at Aaron, he just keeps his head down and then he raises it again. “I’m not gay.”

Aaron goes to get up, he looks fed up and it makes sense considering how much Robert has denied it. He wonders if Aaron thinks it’s Robert denying _them_ , everything about them. It’s not.

He brings a hand up and holds at Aaron. “It’s more complicated then that, maybe I’m not ready to think about it.”

Aaron blinks, he just stares at him and then he sits down again. “Right.” He says, he blinks again. “It would have been a disaster.” He whispers. “Me and you, running away together.” 

Robert frowns. “You don’t know that, you can’t be sure.” He whispers. “We could have worked it out. It could have worked.” He says, and maybe it’s a massive lie and it would have ended in Aaron leaving him anyway but still. He can dream can’t he? He can wonder. 

Aaron rubs a hand across his face and sighs. “Why are you here?” He asks. It’s so bold of him that Robert just gulps hard at first and then he blows out a breath.

“Because ... because despite what you think, I care about you. Maybe deep down you know that ... maybe that’s why you called me.” 

Aaron suddenly has tears in his eyes and it looks a lot like he’s letting go of that hard exterior. “How can you care after the way you’ve hurt me?” He asks, “No one’s ever hurt me the way you have. No one.”

Robert sniffs. “And I regret that, so much. I wish I never hurt you. I just wish — if we ran away Aaron, we could have been happy and I’m sorry that I ...”

Robert is speaking one second and the next Aaron is kissing him hard on the mouth, he’s leaning right over and then he’s pulling away and staring right at Robert who’s too stunned to say anything. 

“Aaron ...”

Aaron just shakes his head and kisses him again, hard and fast and he starts taking off Robert’s jacket as quickly as he can. “I want this, I want you so just ...”

Robert almost can’t bring himself to believe him, he holds at Aaron’s arms and looks down at his stomach before staring up at him again. “You don’t want me.” He says, he knows. 

Aaron’s eyes flicker and he presses a hand towards Robert’s groin.

“Aaron.”

“Just shut up and come here.” Aaron says, grabs the back of Robert’s neck with shaky hands like he’s overwhelmed by just touching him.

“The baby.” Robert breathes out, tries to at least and Aaron tells him it’ll be fine. “I don’t want to hurt her or —“

Aaron pulls away and stares into Robert’s eyes. “You won’t. It’s fine just — just come here.”

And Robert is a fool.

He’s a fool because he gives in and they have sex and it’s just like old flipping times. Only this time Aaron’s pregnant and they’re having a baby and he can’t say he loves him throughout any of it because that’s just going to be weird. 

That’s what he thinks, this should be weird, but Aaron cups his face as they move and he doesn’t look like he hates him at all. 

 

—

 

He wakes up before Aaron, they’re naked and Aaron’s duvet covers them just about but it’s cold outside and he shivers slightly. It’s early, he can hear the birds start to chirp outside and he drapes an arm across Aaron to hold him in tighter.

The thing is, he isn’t too much of an idiot. He’s well aware that Aaron doesn’t love him anymore, that he’s going to raise their kid by himself or still might give her away and it’s nothing to do with him at all. He understands that but he can’t help but think about what happened last night.

After he had rolled off Aaron delicately, Aaron had touched at his bullet wound so tenderly and shook his head. He’d told him that he didn’t want him to die, then he said he didn’t want their kid missing a daddy and then he’d taken it right back.

He hardened slightly, said he was tired and that it had been a long day. He said a lot that he probably regrets now.

Robert tries not to think about it, tries not to remember how Aaron was with him last night. Aaron’s always melted underneath him, in more ways than one, kissed him a little while longer, whispered softness. Remembering how Aaron was has been something he never knew he needed.

Robert watches Aaron breathe in and out, hair curly and eyes closed shut. Robert would go as far as to say he looks beautiful. He has his hands draped over Robert’s stomach and it makes Robert want to do the same.  

He hesitates around it before his hand falls slowly against Aaron’s stomach. It feels weird, the way his hand fits and he thinks about a little baby inside there. One that’s going to be half Aaron, half his. The idea makes him smile, and then he’s petrified and then Aaron’s eyes are opening and he pulls away, leaves Robert’s hand hanging.

“What are you doing?” Aaron says, his voice is gruff and annoyed and Robert wasn’t expecting much but this just makes him want to run. He doesn’t cope well with rejection, not from Aaron. He never has.

“I was just ...” Robert gets up a little so that he’s on his elbows and then he bites his lip. “Just feeling her I suppose.”

Aaron sighs hard, “Don’t start doing that.” He says.

“Why?”

“Because she’s not your concern.” Aaron says. “I don’t know if I ... last night was just ... a moment of ...”

“Weakness? Is that how you’d describe it?” Robert reaches down for his boxers, slides them on and sits up on the bed feeling stung. “Wouldn’t be the first time would it? That you’d lower yourself to my level again.”

Aaron doesn’t say anything. Robert goes to stand and then he turns around towards him. 

“She’s mine too.” He whispers, he feels himself getting carried away and he wants to tel himself to shut up but he can’t. 

Aaron frowns. “You’re not controlling us.” He says, and Robert should have expected it really. It always seems to come back to this, control. 

Robert shudders. “I’m not trying to. Fuck give me a _break_ , I just found out yesterday that I’m going to be a dad.”

“Only you’re not.” Aaron suddenly says. He reaches for a pair of jogging bottoms, covers his top half with a top and leaves Robert just staring at him until he speaks again. “We’re not being dad’s, we’re not setting up a house and raising this little girl, we’re not.”

“What are you so afraid of?”

“You!” Aaron shouts, he shouts so loud and Robert stagers a little as he sees him suddenly reach down to hold his stomach again. 

“And yet I’m the one you called when you needed me yesterday. And I drove all the way here to you.” Robert whispers, he bites at his lip and then hurriedly sticks his clothes on. “I don’t even know why I stayed.” He says, “You’ve already decided everything you want anyway.”

 

—

 

It’s not like he cries his eyes out or anything but he feels like he’s leaving behind something so important. He’s leaving behind a whole life or something. 

He can’t focus on anything else at all but he tries because he does have a life. Not a big eventful one but one nonetheless.

Doug’s the one who gets him to think about Aaron again without even really attempting to. He’s talking about flowers and root veg and Robert’s only trying to do his work. 

“You seem a little tense.” Doug says, he has a small frown on his face and he tilts it slightly. Robert just looks up at him and then looks down and checks his phone, he turns it over and then turns it back round again and then sighs. 

It’s been two weeks. It feels like years.

“I’m not.”

“Well you know, I understand.” Doug says.

And Robert could laugh if he wasn’t so dead inside. “How do you work that out?”

“You’re feeling frustrated, so am I. I mean, the weather isn’t helping with any of these flipping vegetables.” Doug shakes his head and then sighs. “You have to be patient though, this business of yours will turn out right.”

Robert bites his lip. “It might not. It might ... never work out.”

“Of course it will.” 

“Not when no one trusts me to actually do a good job, be there all the time, put all my attention on it.” Robert says, and he knows what he’s talking about and he hates it.

“Well that’s only because you’ve not been completely honest and serious in the past.”

“But I’m serious about this.” Robert says passionately. “I want to change.” He whispers, “Grow up.” 

Doug offers him a small smile. “Well then prove it then.” He says.

 

—

 

It takes a lot of courage really, to stand here and wonder if he’ll open the door. But he does eventually, he looks completely shocked but he doesn’t look angry. 

“What are you doing here?” 

“I don’t really know.” Robert whispers, he soaks Aaron in, he looks tired and he definitely looks ready to pop right about now. He’s got a few weeks to go, not that Robert’s been counting or anything. “I bought some paint.” He looks down at his feet. “I could paint the spare room. For the baby.”

Aaron looks away and Robert shudders, decides to bare all and take whatever Aaron gives him back.

“I’ve always been a screw up Aaron, let people down and — made things so much worse but — but I want to change. I know she’s yours, she’s — I know you don’t want me around but I can’t just take that without even trying to convince you that I’m serious.” Robert bites at his lip a little. “I just want to paint the room, then I’ll go.” He says. Aaron goes to speak and then he closes his eyes. “Unless you’re still ... putting her up for —“

“I’ve decided not to.” Aaron says suddenly, he has tears in his eyes and he wipes them away quickly as Robert smiles just a little at him.

“Yeah?”

“Come in then.” Aaron whispers, and Robert darts through the door with the paint.

 

—

 

“Yellow?”

“Well yeah, didn’t think you’d want pink.”

“Uh why not?” Aaron’s sitting on a chair in the middle of the room and watching as Robert sticks on one of his tops on and shimmies into some of Aaron’s old jeans too. 

“Bit stereotypical right?” Robert says, he leans down and then looks up again. “Maybe you should leave.” Aaron just frowns at him. “The paint fumes.” Aaron blushes slightly, dips his head down like he doesn’t want Robert to see him smiling. 

“I think I’ll be alright.” Aaron says, he bites hard on his lip and Robert just nods, starts painting the wall the soft yellow colour. “It actually doesn’t look that bad.”

“Right? Think I should start this as my new business.” Robert smirks a little before looking towards Aaron and sobering. “Is that why you didn’t tell me?”

Aaron just sighs. “There were lots of reasons.” He shrugs.

“Me being a massive twat was at the top though I suspect.” Robert carries on painting, and Aaron doesn’t say anything for a second.

“You could say that.” He says eventually, his eyes flicker a little and he sounds light. “But I wasn’t ... I shouldn’t have been so hard on you the other morning.” It’s like they’re not going to talk about how he ended up there that morning at all. 

Robert just stares.

“I guess I’m sorry.”

“You guess?”

“Don’t push it.” Aaron says and then he lets out a yawn as his phone goes off. Robert ignores it almost as much as Aaron does but after a while he turns around and sees that Aaron’s declined the call. “Just my mum.” 

Robert nods. “I take it she still ... well I’ve not been burned at the stake so obviously she doesn’t know about the baby.”

Aaron looks up towards the ceiling and then sighs. “I know she needs to know, but I just can’t bring myself to do it.” He looks back at Robert. “And before you ask, it’s not because of you.” He says heavily. “No one’s ever had a kid like this in my family.”

Robert frowns. “They wouldn’t care.”

“I would though.” He cradles his stomach a little tighter suddenly. 

“You wouldn’t have to do it alone.” Robert says, he feels a little brave for it and Aaron arches an eyebrow as he stares at him. 

 

“You’d be cool with the whole village knowing we had so much sex you got me pregnant? Chrissie would find out. You’d ruin any chance of —“

Robert rolls his eyes. “Think that’s dead in the water.” Aaron just stares at him. “And I’m glad it is.” Aaron looks pretty overwhelmed by it all and he gets up slowly and walks towards the door. 

“I was going to order something in, am I getting you something as well?”

It translates roughly to: Will you have dinner with me? In Aaron language and Robert can only nod.

 

—

 

They get pizza because apparently a hot curry is the last thing Aaron needs and their feet touch as they lay out on the sofa.

“You look shattered.” Robert says slowly. “When I should be considering I’ve painted that whole room.”

Aaron scoffs. “It’s a box room and uh —“ he looks down at his stomach. “I’m sort of pregnant.” He says. He looks less haunted by the idea now, his shoulders seem to relax under it. 

“How could I forget.” Robert says easily before he drags his teeth across his bottom lip and gulps. “Could give you a massage or something.” 

Aaron looks frazzled by it and then rubs at his stomach. “For the first time in forever?” 

Robert scoffs. “I’ve given massages before.”

“Not to me.” 

Chrissie’s head bobbles around in his mind and he tries to think of something else to say. He remembers massages led to one thing, he remembers that being why he took the time out. 

“I could try. If you’re in pain or ...”

“Nah you’re alright.” Aaron shuffles, Robert thinks he’s embarrassed maybe about his body or whatever but they’ve had sex and everything. Maybe this is different. Aaron looks at Robert and then shrugs. “Makes me horny and I don’t think that’s for the best.” He plays with the hem of his jumper a little and nearly smiles. 

Robert turns bright red. Keeps it noted.

“Could always get me some pickles out of the fridge though.” Aaron says, eyes flickering as Robert frowns at him. “What?”

“You’re so pregnant.” Robert says, eyes bright. He can feel himself smiling. Aaron smiles too and then he rolls his eyes. 

“Not like you’ve got anything to do with it.” Aaron kicks Robert’s leg. “Come on, might as well get the whole jar for me.” 

Robert comes back with the cold jar and Aaron grabs at it and literally starts eating these massive pickles one by one. Robert just stares at him, looking disgusted.

“What?” 

“Nothing. Just trying to remember how we had so much sex I got you pregnant.” Aaron scowls comically. “What with you eating like that and everything.”

“Piss off.” Aaron says, finally twists the lid over the jar again and then sighs, presses a cushion over his stomach and then looks at Robert. “What’s with the face?”

Robert’s caught off guard. He sighs and then tilts his head. “I think you should tell someone else. I know you said you’re scared but your family would support ya.” 

Aaron frowns a little. “Do you remember the last time a Dingle and a Sugden had a kid together? Carnage.”

Robert thinks of Andy and Debbie and little Sarah. He pulls a face, remembers all the bloody chaos and the fights. It messed everything up for the longest time.

“It’d be different though, this time.”

“Because I’m a bloke?” Aaron asks.

Robert just stares at him with wild gentle eyes. He just smiles really faintly. “No. It just would.” He whispers. 

There’s a silence which hangs between them for a few minutes, Robert wonders if he should be making a move but he doesn’t want to. He wants to stay right here. 

Aaron moves a hand across his stomach again and jolts a little, he makes Robert panic, eyes widening and then the younger man shakes his head. 

“It’ll pass in a second.” He says, although he sounds panicky. “I hope so anyway.” He tries to laugh and Robert just smiles at him. 

“You’ll be a great dad you know.” It just sort of falls out of his mouth and Aaron instantly sobers.

“Stop.” He says, “Don’t say that.” 

“But it’s true. Better than me, probably better than my dad. You don’t talk about yours but ...”

Aaron slides up from the sofa and shakes his head. “You have no idea what you’re on about so just stop talking.”

Robert should, he doesn’t. “You’re amazing Aaron.”

Aaron’s eyes flicker as he turns towards him slowly. 

“And I know you’re going to be the best ... the best dad in the world. That kid’s lucky to have you, maybe it’ll make up for having anything to do with me.” He sounds like he’s just been stamped on or something. He sounds so hurt by his own words because he knows how true they are. 

Aaron just stares at him, Robert goes to lean forward and he looks almost scared of letting Robert any closer so he ends up against the wall instead.

It’s crazy how quickly things have the ability to change, how a softness can shatter so instantaneously. 

He makes a grab for his coat, still wearing Aaron’s change of clothes and he gets out the door as quickly as he can.

 

—

 

He closes his eyes and sees himself holding a gun. He sees himself looking down at Aaron, bloody and broken and with their little baby inside him completely oblivious to the monster who created her.

He sees just that, he sees a monster.

It makes him slam down hard on his steering wheel, despair at the thought of them making any sort of progress. They haven’t, they never will because Aaron won’t ever love him again, won’t ever trust him again.

They have a child, but it’ll be Aaron’s. Maybe he won’t ever tell the Dingles who the dad is, maybe the kid will grow up down the road and Robert will be forced to leave altogether because Vic will certainly figure it all out. 

Maybe he’ll just continue wasting his life away like that until it all ends. 

He thinks of his mum suddenly though, he sees her sadness, her will and drive for Robert to better himself. He sees so much and he feels this fight race through him.

He’s still sitting in his car, still unmoved from Aaron’s and replaying the way he flinched, moved away from Robert as if he was scared. Scared of _him_ , the closeness, it makes something kick in his chest, make him realise that he has to convince him otherwise.

So he knocks on his door and Aaron answers instantly, he looks up and down like he’s soaking him in completely.

“Robert, I didn’t mean —“

“I know what I did was wrong. I know I scared you in that lodge and I know I messed everything up but I’d _never_ — please don’t think I’d hurt the baby, I wouldn’t _ever_ hurt the —“ his emotions get the better of him, yeah he isn’t the pregnant one but he’s had a pretty long day and his head is everywhere. 

“I know that.” Aaron whispers, he actually leans out to pull Robert inside the flat and has a hand against Robert’s. “Hey? I would have thrown you out if I thought that you were —“

“A monster? That’s what I am, I don’t want to be but I am. I hurt you, I’ve hurt —“ He blinks and then gulps hard. “I’ll end up hurting her too. I get why you don’t want me around. I do.” 

Aaron chews at his gum, he hovers a hand close to Robert’s face and it feels so intimate before he jolts again and this time he almost smiles. “Woah.” He says, his voice is steady and yet still filled with something. 

Robert is naturally alarmed when Aaron’s eyes start watering. 

“She kicked again.” He whispers as he holds onto his stomach.

Robert freezes around it before looking towards the door. “She wants me out.” He jokes. “I should ... I know I shouldn’t ...”

“Give me your hand.” Aaron says, practically orders the second time around because Robert’s not been listening at all. He takes it, holds for a second longer than needed and then he places it on his stomach.

Robert just stares down at it and waits as Aaron goes on about her hiding away or something a typical pregnant person would say. He nearly gives up against it, she’s hiding from you, he thinks, but then she kicks and the impact makes his head jump back a little.

“Shit.” He says shakily, he looks up at Aaron and this massive smile is on his face. “Aaron she’s a ninja.” He says, he can hear him laughing and it’s been so long since he’s heard it. It feels like it’s been forever and a day really. 

“She’s a tough little one I think.” Aaron says, makes a small noise as she kicks again and Robert places both his hands down to feel it better.

“You don’t mind do you?” He asks, looking up at Aaron.

“I don’t mind.” Aaron whispers, he looks scared by how much he doesn’t, and then she kicks again and Robert laughs. 

“She’s surely a black belt.” Robert says as he looks up and Aaron rolls his eyes before laughing. They’re both laughing and the heaviness of his arrival seems to have completely vanished as they gaze at it each other. 

As Robert looks it him he’s overwhelmed by one single thought, he wishes Aaron loved him. It sounds stupid and he’s grateful for being able to still be here but still, it gnaws away in his mind and he fights back against how amazing this moment would be if he did.

Because it’s what it should be like, they should be happy and in love and laughing their heads off over their baby kicking like Jackie Chan. 

Aaron breathes through his nose, bites on his lip as he looks at Robert and then he leans his head down and kisses him. It seems different than the last, less hurried and frantic, it seems to mean a lot more now. He leans away, without saying a word and Robert accepts it. 

“I know you’d never hurt her.” Aaron says, brings the conversation round again as he looks into Robert’s eyes.

Robert’s head dips and then he takes his hands off Aaron and tells him how much that means to him. He realises that it’s late so he gets towards the door again and Aaron surprises him with his words not for the first time tonight.

He mentions something about a class, being scared of going alone. Robert imagines being around a bunch of pregnant men and women and the possibility of tiny babies present too and he wants the world to swallow him up. But Aaron will be there so it suddenly isn’t excruciating at all.

“I’m not making promises, about me and you and ... you with her but ...”

It’s a start.

 

—

 

Vic grills him about Aaron’s t-shirt naturally.

“I forgot I had it.”

Adam frowns over at him the next morning. “You just forgot.”

“Like you forgot to lockup the portacabin last night.” That shuts Adam up quickly and he almost smirks as he stuffs the t-shirt in the wash and gets out the door.

Aaron’s given him some address for this class thing and naturally he’s later than he thought he’d be. He watches for just a second and sees Aaron mingling with a woman who looks like she vomits flowers. 

He hears them. He hears Aaron say that someone’s coming, he isn’t on his own. He hears her ask if it’s the other dad and she’s well excited about it all. He hears Aaron say yeah.

It feels good.

The class is pretty useful, it’s mainly focused on dealing with a newborn and yeah he could have Googled it but this isn’t awful.

“You must be the other one.” The woman says, they’re on a break and Aaron’s stuffing his face with biscuits so he doesn’t react in time. “Aaron told me all about you, I’m Daphne.” She smiles, and then rubs at her stomach slightly like she needs to point out she’s pregnant.

“Robert.” He says, forces out a smile.

“It’s so lovely to see two men embracing fatherhood the way you two are. Have you been together long?”

And it’s like she doesn’t understand privacy.

“We’re not ... together.” Aaron says, it sounds tried and he forced and yet Robert knows it’s the truth. He’s probably reading into it too much.

He thought it would get her away but she continues to praise them for being mature about it all. When she eventually goes away Robert is dying for some paracetamol.

“Well she’s crazy.”

Aaron’s four biscuits in. “She’s nice.” He shrugs and Robert tilts his head a little. “Okay she’s a little full on.” 

Robert smiles and then looks about the place, he soaks it all in and then looks back at Aaron. “What?” Because he’s just staring at him.

“Didn’t think you’d show after ... everything.”

“How do you mean?”

“I pushed you away.” Aaron explains. “We’ve not spoke about you in her life yet and ... you’re still —“

Robert shrugs, “Even you can’t stop the way I feel.” He says, and it sounds so serious.

Maybe he wants Aaron to take it seriously.

 

—

 

He drives him home after the next half of the session finishes. It’s later than he thought and he gazes down at the missed calls he has.

“From Chrissie or something?” And Aaron clearly doesn’t understand how much they’re over. 

“A client. I was supposed to ... see him.” Robert’s an idiot because he’s clearly forgotten all about a meeting that he’s arranged. He shakes his head and sighs. “It doesn’t matter.”

“It does.” Aaron says. 

“Not more than this.” Robert says, offhandedly. It makes Aaron’s eyes flicker slightly and he gulps hard, soaks in what he’s telling him. “Anyways, I was meaning to ask after, you got any thoughts on names?”

“We’re not calling her Roberta or something like that.” Aaron says, he looks relaxed as he leans back in the seat and holds at his stomach and Robert’s eyes flicker a little.

We’re.

Robert darts his head. “I painted the nursery though, so shouldn’t I get a say?”

Aaron scoffs. “Absolutely no chance.” He says before thinking. “I don’t have a clue. I didn’t think I’d ... I didn’t want to think about her actually being ... here.” 

Robert nods a little. “It’ll come to you.” He says, and Aaron nearly smiles at him. He keeps doing that, it’s messing with his head but he blames it on the craziness going on in Aaron’s body at the moment.

They kissed yesterday and Aaron treated it like it was nothing.

It makes him feel uneasy. 

 

—

 

Andy comes back and fucks with his head so he hides away in some hotel in Belfast trying to secure a client.

He feels alone, feels like the world is caving in or something dramatic like that and so he ends up calling Aaron. 

He explains where he is and he doesn’t want to pay attention to the slight disappointment he picks up in his voice. Instead he focuses on him talking about how Adam hates him a little less for sending in some help on his behalf. 

“That’s great.” He says, and Aaron seems to really know him so he tells him to fess up. “Andy’s back. Pretending like we’re even now.”

“I could kill him.”

“Not in your condition.”

“Hilarious.” Aaron deadpans. “I could have spent years of my life in there over something I didn’t do.” He huffs, sounding more annoyed than angry over it now. “You could have died.”

“Yeah well, he did you a favour. Nearly did anyway.” 

“That wouldn’t have been a favour.” Aaron says quickly and Robert remembers what he said just after they had slept together a few weeks ago, how he was so relieved that he didn’t die, that he wanted him to live. It makes Robert’s mouth twitch. “Anyway uh ... so you’re handling it by run away?”

“You’re one to talk.” Robert says, tittering on the edge of pissing him off. But Aaron seems to get that he’s trying to make light of things, maybe he can tell that he’s had a bit too drunk in the mini bar too. “I don’t blame you for running away from me.” 

“Robert.” 

“I’d run away from me.” 

Aaron sighs down the line, “Are you getting pissed?” 

“Trying to.”

“Yeah well ... think of the baby.”

“What?” Robert asks, confused slightly as he listens and Aaron gulps hard enough for Robert to hear.

“If you and Andy are — are shit and this client isn’t good then ... at least you’ve got her.” Robert hears, and his heart thuds. “That’s what I do anyway.” Aaron rambles quickly. 

He doesn’t know how much he’s made Robert’s night. “I have her?”

Aaron’s been messing him about over it all, his rights, the future, everything and now it seems like he’s setting him right. “She’s half yours isn’t she?”

“Until you change your mind and run away with her or something.”

“Stop being stupid.” Aaron says, like he’s out of his mind or something.

Robert frowns. “I had a dream that’s what you did.”

“Oh so it’s bound to happen then.”

Robert rubs a hand through his hair frustratingly. “You never tell me how you feel ... about any of this.” 

Aaron stays silent for so long. “Maybe because I don’t want to face up to anything yet. Okay?” It’s what Robert had said about his sexuality, they don’t compare but he does get burying your head under the sand and pretending like everything will be okay.

“Yeah.” Robert whispers, he feels their conversation coming to an end and it fizzles something inside him. He could talk to him for hours.

“Robert?”

“Hmm?”

“She kicked again.” He can practically hear Aaron smiling.

 

—

 

Naturally life turns to shit and Aaron is capable of making him feel ridiculously small. 

They have some stupid argument over absolutely nothing and it escalates into Aaron telling him he needs space from him.

“You’re too much.” He says, he runs a hand through his curled hair and paces his small flat.

Robert squints and holds up the giraffe he’s bought. “It’s a toy.”

“It’s you.” Aaron says. “You’re already buying her gifts and — her first ever *toy and —“

“And what?”

“I haven’t figured things out yet!” Aaron shouts. He looks worn out, looks like his head is being pulled in a million different places and Robert feels like he’s been kicked in the stomach.

“About me?” He whispers. He’s sure his chin is starting to wobble but he ignores it. “Being a part of her life?”

Aaron just looks away, and Robert is certain that something has happened. He asks, keeps asking and Aaron causally just mentions speaking to his mum. His name came up, she dropped poison in his ears then.

“You said — you said that she was mine, that I could — that despite everything else, I had her.” Robert recalls. “Do you have any idea how much that meant to me?”

Aaron gulps, his eyes are wide and blue and he’s wearing a grey jumper, loose around his frame but still making his bump visible. “Well I’m sorry. Is that what you want to hear?”

He’s almost a different person.

“No it’s not what I want to fucking hear.” Robert says. “You knew, you _know_ I have nothing of my own. I lost Chrissie, I lost a home, I lost my business.” His eyes become wet suddenly. “I lost _you_. But I had her.”

Aaron bites at his lip and his face reddens. “I’m sorry I gave you the impression that ...”

“No I must have been mistaken to think that me being here all the time meant anything, me painting that room or — or going to those classes or — me fucking you in that bed meant that I had the right to know my own daughter.” He’s never felt like this before, felt this sudden wave of _loss_ hit him. He knows he’s shouting and he shouldn’t be but he can’t help himself. 

He’s overwhelmed with it all, to the point where he feels drained and Aaron just stares at him with his mouth parted. 

“Just leave Robert.” He says, eventually. He’s crying, it makes no fucking sense why he’s crying, maybe he doesn’t want this either but he’s convincing himself that it’s for the best. Maybe he thinks that all of it has been a front, that Robert will hurt him again eventually. 

Either way, Robert leaves, he doesn’t bring the plush giraffe with him. 

 

—

 

It’s been just over two weeks since the argument and he’s come to realise that he was absolutely deserving of it all.

Because, who does he really think he is? 

He’s treated Aaron like crap for the best part of two years and loving him hasn’t made up for anything of that. Neither has being nearly shot dead. 

He’s changed, he knows he has but Aaron clearly doesn’t trust him and he doesn’t _blame_ him. He doesn’t blame Aaron for taking stock and re-evaluating everything, suddenly realising that he’s been using Robert as a crutch through the last trimester of his pregnancy and that he doesn’t need him. 

He’s just needed someone, and it’s happened to be Robert.

He doesn’t need him anymore, he never did. And Robert doesn’t have the right to act surprised.

It was always going to happen, if not now, then when the baby is born, or two months after, or a year, or five. Aaron was always going to wake up, smell the coffee and realise that he doesn’t need Robert.

Who the fuck does?

 

—

 

Christmas music is everywhere and she’s due tomorrow. It’s weird hearing Chas plan family stuff without her son, complain about him still being away and still being absolutely oblivious.  

It’s a strange day, he wants it to pass without him noticing but it’s hardly a day that goes unnoticed by everyone. 

It’s the day before Christmas Eve. It’s Christmas Eve eve.

He spends most of the day in the cafe, avoids Vic and Adam being all over each other basically and when he does get back it’s later than he thought it would be.

He slumps into bed, having completely avoided trying to find anymore clients for his business contract. He’s giving all of that a rest and focusing on not focusing on everything. 

It sounds like a plan he’s ready to set in motion. It’s all he’s thinking about as he slays across the bed, still in his clothes and teeth not even brushed.

And then his phone vibrates on the table and he sees who it is. His hands turn clammy as he answers it and tells himself to be brave.

“Hello?”

“Robert, _Robert_ ...” he instantly knows what’s happening and he jumps out of bed and starts pacing. “She’s ... I’m in — oh God, the ambulance is on it’s way but I need you — I need you here please, _please_.” 

It’s all he has to hear really.

 

—

 

He drives ridiculously fast again, his heart thuds so loudly that he thinks he’s going to start bleeding out of his ears. But he carries on regardless, he carries on because he has to carry on.

He ends up walking in on and Aaron crouched down on the floor crying his heart out and it doesn’t fail to make him want to cry too. He looks so fucking broken, it’s worse than it was last time.

“I’m here, Aaron, hey I’m here.” He says, he holds at the younger man and jumps at the sound he makes as he stares up at him with wide eyes.

“You came?” He says, in between moans and the way his head tilts back against the pain. “You actually came, you came.” He says, he sounds overwhelmed, relieved, grateful even.

Robert can only nod at him. “Of course I came.” He says, eyes flickering like crazy as he tries to stop himself from getting too emotional. He presses a hand against Aaron’s cheek, nods a little and tells him that everything is going to be okay. Aaron manages to tell him that the ambulance are on its way, and Robert just nods at him wordlessly. 

Aaron jolts again against the pain and suddenly he reaches out and grabs at Robert’s hand. He holds it so tightly that Robert jumps back a little before stroking his hand gently.

“I’m sorry.” Aaron says, he shakes his head and tears stream down his face.

“It’s okay, I didn’t need the hand. I’ve got one spare.”

“No, no pushing you away.” Aaron says as he leans and tilts and struggles to cope with it. “I pushed you away when you — when you cared about me and her, _fuck_ I — I’m sorry, I’m sorry oh God.” He breathes deeply and holds at Robert’s other hand. “It hurts.” 

“It’ll be over soon.”

“I’m sorry.” 

“Stop saying sorry. You’ve not got anything to be sorry about.” Robert dips his head and Aaron shakes his.

“I told you to _go_ , I told you to leave and you just wanted to prove you cared and I’m sorry —“ He says and then the ambulance’s arrival cuts him off, they start speaking in nice calm voices and telling Aaron to get into the ambulance downstairs so he can have his little baby. 

Robert sees the panic all over Aaron’s face, the tears streamed right down his face. He keeps holding his hand all the way to the hospital.

 

—

 

They put him into some chair and his head rolls back against the pain he feels. He feels like he’s being split in two and it makes him squeeze hard down on Robert’s hand.

They wheel him into a room and then one of the nurses asks if Robert is joining them.

“I don’t — I don’t know if —“

“ _Please_ don’t go, don’t leave me, please don’t.” Aaron says, his voice is thick with emotion and he looks like he’s never been so serious in his life so Robert follows him inside and tries to deal with seeing Aaron in so much fucking pain.

“It hurts, it really hurts.” Aaron says, he keeps saying it over and over again and Robert lets go for a second to remove his leather jacket. The loss of contact has Aaron panicky and that makes Robert’s heart feel something. He comes straight back and strokes a hand across Aaron’s hair.

“I know but it’ll be worth it won’t it? You’ll have her with you.”

Aaron stares up at him. “We.” He says. “She’s ours, I’m sorry I never — she’s —“ 

The nurses tell him to stop getting so panicky, to try and relax but it’s like Aaron’s incapable of doing any of that. He shakes his head and squeezes down on Robert’s hand again. 

“She’s our baby but I didn’t want to think like that because —“

“I know why Aaron, I get it.” Robert says, voice as soft as he can make it before Aaron starts swearing the place down in pain. “Aaron, try and relax.”

“Relax? There’s a fucking baby trying to jump out of me.” Aaron shouts, he shouts so loud that the nurses make sure the door is closed shut. “Fuck I’m sorry.” He says. “I didn’t mean to — it hurts Robert.”

The nurses seem to think he’s doing well, they’re waiting for her head to be somewhere and then they can operate or something. He’s not really listening, he’s just focusing on everything Aaron is saying. 

He isn’t making a lot of sense, the gas and air he’s on covers his face for a while before the nurses tell Robert they have to take him down to theatre because the baby is ready.

“So you’ll just ... but he’ll be okay right?” 

The nurses nod and Robert moves as the bed moves. He moves with them and hears Aaron moan and swear the whole way there until it subsides just a little and they start trying to get her out. He keeps stroking a hand through his hair gently and then the noise starts up again and Aaron stares up at Robert with big wide eyes. 

“I love you.” He says, “I love you, I love you, please don’t go.” 

It’s like it just comes out of absolutely nowhere. He just says it and Robert just stares at him.

“What?” He stammers out, hardly saying anything at all because now isn’t the time and Aaron clearly doesn’t know what he’s on about.

“Are you deaf? I need you to — to know I’m in love with you. Still.” Aaron shudders, tears painting his face. “I’ll never be able to stop.” He says, and Robert just sort of stares in shock, his mouth hanging open slightly. 

And then they hear the sound of a baby crying.

 

—

 

Their daughter is born at 02:34am on Christmas Eve and she’s the most beautiful thing Robert has ever seen.

They pass her up onto Aaron’s chest after doing all their checks and he bursts out into tears as soon as he feels her against him. He has a hand against her tiny one and he just strokes her gently.

“Hiya sweetheart.” He says, so sweet and unlike him really and Robert just stares down at them. He has tears in his eyes and he can’t quite believe this is happening. 

Aaron sniffs, looks up towards Robert and he smiles at him like he never quite has before. “This is your other daddy.” He says and Robert instantly has goosebumps. 

“Do you want to give her a squeeze?” Robert hears him say, time has gone past because they’re back in the hospital bed like before and Aaron’s smiling down at the little girl. 

“Can I?” 

Aaron nods a little, he smiles and then passes her over. “Just mind her head yeah?” He whispers and Robert feels her in his arms suddenly. She’s so small, he struggles to understand the right way to hold her and he nearly panics but Aaron tells him he’s doing great.

Robert stares down at her, her lashes are almost white and she opens her eyes for him to show deep blue pools. They almost look a little grey. Her hair is hardly there, soft white whisps which will probably darken with the sun. 

“She’s so beautiful Aaron.” He whispers, hovering over the bed and gently rocking her.

“She isn’t crying with you, must like ya.” Aaron says, he looks completely exhausted as he dips his head down on the bed and his eyes flicker shut. 

“I don’t think so.” Robert says, the gnawing sense of self doubt there again. “Maybe she will, if you tell her about me.”

Aaron frowns slightly. “You can do that yourself.” He says and Robert looks up at him. “You’re not running out on me now are you?”

Robert bites his lip. “Does that mean that ... you’ll let me be there, raise her?”

Aaron closes his eyes and he nods a little. “Thought we could give a go together.” He says, like it’s nothing. Then he opens his eyes and nods as if he wants Robert to know he means it. “If that’s ... if you want to do this properly. Me and you and ... and her.” 

Robert shudders with relief and then sits down on the chair and rocks her a little in his arms until she raises a hand in front of her face and he holds it.

“Of course.” He eventually gets out. It doesn’t sum up how he feels by even half but he can’t say anything else.

“This ... it’s all I’ve ever wanted you know.” Aaron says, he sounds drowsy and sleepy and Robert doesn’t know what he’s supposed to say back. He doesn’t believe him, he doesn’t even believe that he loves him too. 

“Aaron, you’re up to your eyeballs on drugs.”

“Just a family ... just me and you ... kids and — it sounds so stupid but I wanted it from so early on. I just wanted you forever Rob.”

Rob. 

It makes his heart thud a little more and then Aaron’s smiling lazily. “I think I love you even more now. Call me crazy, after everything you’ve put me through but —“

“Aaron.”

“But you’re sorry. Yeah ... I think I’ve never loved you so much. Not as much as I do now.” He says and Robert could believe him like this, he sees Aaron’s hand calling him to come forward like he wants Robert and their little girl closer to him.

Robert smiles down at him, holds Aaron’s hand and then he feels it turn a little limp and some machine starts going off and Aaron’s eyes close.

“What’s — what’s happening?” 

He only has to look down.

 

—

 

He’s bled. 

The stitches have busted, or _something_ and he’s in a really bad way. They need to stop the bleeding, only it won’t, only they’re really fucking struggling. 

Robert’s cradling the baby and she’s crying like she knows something is wrong and he can’t handle it. He feels like his brain is about to explode or something so he seeks out a nurse he can find and tells her to start telling him the truth.

“Aaron — he just had his kid and now he’s ... what if they can’t stop the bleeding?”

The nurse looks fucking frazzled and she only advises him to let the doctors do their jobs. She makes it sound so easy. 

“Why don’t I put the little one down, let you —“

He cradles her tighter though, he shakes his head and the baby cries out. “No. No she’s — no she’s fine with me. She just ... Aaron needs to be okay.”

A doctor walks towards him, he has a stern look on his face and he tells Robert that they’re trying but it could take a little while. He starts asking questions about his blood type and shit and Robert doesn’t know what to say.

“Does he have any family members?” 

Chas.

He doesn’t want to speak to her about this, he knows that it’s hardly what Aaron would want either but he realises that he can’t ignore it. 

At first she doesn’t pick up, in fact, it takes about nine rings until she answers and asks what he wants. 

“Chas it’s ... it’s Aaron.” He leans forwards on the chair and misses the feel of the baby in his arms. A nurse has taken her, he didn’t want to leave her but he had to focus on this instead.

“What does that mean?”

“He’s in a ... he’s in a bad way. He’s —“ Robert breathes out deeply and then realises he has to tell her everything.

 

—

 

In short, Chas wants to throttle him.

It takes about half an hour until he hears her heels down the corridor and she’s got Paddy standing right behind her. 

“You’ve got some nerve to still be here.” She snaps. “I want you out.” 

Robert just stares at her, his eyes are wide and his mouth gapes open a little. “I’m not leaving her.”

“It’s a little girl?” Paddy whispers before looking towards Chas. “We need to find out how he is.” He says, hardly looking at Robert at all. 

“He was pregnant! He’s got a — and we didn’t know. But _he_ did.” Chas snarls and then it’s like she suddenly realises, she’s more stupid than he thought. “Oh God, she’s yours.”

He doesn’t say anything, just dips his head and shudders until the doctor comes towards them and tells Chas and Paddy to follow him. 

Robert’s left outside. 

 

—

 

The first thing Aaron sees when he wakes up is his mother over him crying and he realises that it must be bad. 

“Where’s ... where’s Robert and the baby?” He panics and Chas cries down onto him, she wipes at her face and says that everything is fine.

Paddy hangs there like a lemon until he comes further towards Aaron and sniffs. “Why didn’t you tell us Aaron?”

Aaron winces, his eyes flicker and then he shakes his head. “I don’t know.” He says honestly. “Wanted to pretend like it wasn’t happening.” He admits and then he frowns. “What happened?”

“You lost a lot of blood, your stitches burst and ... Robert called us.” She says, “Oh darling you had to do all of this on your own.” 

Aaron closes his eyes and then opens them again. “I wasn’t on my own.”

Chas rolls her eyes. “You’re telling me Robert Sugden was your support?” She says, “That doesn’t count.”

“He’s the father too.” Aaron says, his voice stretches a little and Chas looks away. 

“Are you sure?” Paddy asks and Aaron just sighs.

“As if it could be anyone else.” 

Chas doesn’t even look angry anymore, she looks more disappointed than anything and she sighs. “After everything that man has done to you, you let him be around you, be involved.” 

Aaron closes his eyes, “He’s sorry and I believe him. He’d never hurt her.” Paddy just shakes his head. “He’s different now and I —“

Paddy knows him so well so he gets there before Aaron can. “No you don’t.”

“Don’t what?” Chas says, looking between the both of them.

Aaron just nods. “I do, I never stopped.” He looks at his mum. “I’ve always loved him mum. I don’t want to hate myself for loving someone who ... who loves me too. He does.”

“He loves himself more like.”

Aaron just shakes his head. “I don’t expect you to understand.” He says. “But I do love him. And you know that, deep down you know that.” Only it’s like she doesn’t even want to try and understand but then she shakes herself.

“There’s nothing I can do about it.” She decides. “Where’s my granddaughter then?” Her voice perks up slightly and Aaron panics slightly before a nurse comes in and tells them that she’s on the ward doing fine. 

“Where’s Robert?” He asks and then he looks out and sees what he sees.

Robert’s there, hands in his face and he’s quietly sobbing because he’s wasted so much time and now it might be too late. Aaron suddenly realises that he doesn’t know that he’s okay, that no one has bothered to tell him.

He suddenly sees how much Robert really cares about him.

“Send him in. You go and see her and — send him in.” Aaron says and Chas looks unmoved. “Mum I’m fine.”

“You just had a _baby_.”

“Yeah and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you but I had my reasons and now I need to speak to Robert okay?”

Paddy’s the one who drags her out, it’s who Robert sees when he looks up.

“Is he okay?”

Paddy just nods awkwardly. “He wants to see you.”

Robert doesn’t hear anything else until he gets into the room and sees that Aaron’s laying there. He looks a little better, still pale and worn but he tries to smile slightly.

“You scared me to death.” Robert hangs back a little, mouth twitching and Aaron just gazed at him.

“I’m sorry.” Aaron says, “Come here.” 

Robert looks petrified and Aaron shudders. 

“I’m okay.” Aaron whispers, and Robert comes further towards him just slightly. “Well actually I’m a little sore.”

Robert gulps hard, he’s frozen against how much has happened in such a short space of time. He genuinely thought that Aaron could die, that he would have this little girl to raise, that Chas would surely stop him from having a single thing to do with her. His mind went everywhere and now it’s come to a stop.

“I thought —“

“But I’m okay.” Aaron says, he holds out his hand and Robert just stares down at it. He doesn’t hold on, he’s too scared to.

“Aaron I should go.” He says suddenly and it’s crazy how quickly he sees the change in expression filter across Aaron’s face. 

“No.” He says heavily. “You can’t go now.” Aaron croaks out, only it makes sense to leave now doesn’t it?

“Your mum and Paddy are here now, you don’t need me. Aaron, you’ve never needed me.”

Aaron shakes his head. “You’re talking such bullshit.” He says, his throat is fucked from all the shouting before but he can’t hold back now. “I wouldn’t have gone through any of this without _you_.”

Robert just looks away like he doesn’t want to hear it and Aaron breathes out deeply.

“I was afraid for so long. I was scared about what would happen if I let you in. I thought you’d leave again but you didn’t. I made you leave and convinced myself that you’d gone because you wanted to, not because you were ... forced.” Aaron gulps hard, tears in his eyes. “I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to be sorry about anything. It’s me.” Robert says. “I’m the sorry one, I always will be.”

Aaron rolls his eyes. “I don’t want to have to speak about all of that. It’s in the past.”

“But it isn’t is it because you still hate me for it and —“

“I love you.” Aaron says, the words stretch across the room and Robert’s heart jumps. He seems so clear about that. “I thought I shouted it in your face a few hours ago.”

Robert twists his lip. “You don’t Aaron, please ...” 

Aaron bites his lip. “I thought you loved me too.” He says and Robert looks up.

“I _do_.” He says. “Too much maybe.”

“Well same here.” Aaron snaps, “So just accept that —“

“Aaron we’re terrible together, I hurt you.”

Robert says. “The baby and you ... you’ll realise that and then you’ll go.”

“Or you’ll go back to Chrissie.”

“Never.” Robert whispers, “Aaron, I just ...” He suddenly understands what he wants. “I know what I want now.” He hasn’t got everything sorted out but who the fuck does? “I just want you and her.”

Aaron has a small smile on his face, it’s all he’s wanted. “Good.” He says before stretches his hand towards Robert’s again and this time Robert locks their hands together. “Surprised it still has any feeling.” He whispers as he stares down and Robert nearly smiles.

But he cannot help but feel the way he does. 

“I hurt you Aaron, I don’t deserve you, I never I will.” Robert whispers, almost to himself. “I don’t think I can live with myself, pretending like I never hurt you.”

Aaron bites his lip. “I’m not saying I forgive everything you did, I’m saying ... I see you now.” He whispers and it makes Robert’s heart leap again in this new way. “I see you and I ... I still love you.”

I still love you.

Still.

Robert’s eyes flicker and he brings his forehead up towards Aaron’s. “I’m not going anywhere, I’ll be better, I’ll be so much better for you and ...” 

“We need to give her a name I think.” Aaron whispers, he leans away and when he does, he sees that his mum is carrying her in.

She doesn’t say anything to Robert, just passes over the baby and calls her beautiful. She says she’s going to be in the cafe and Robert goes after her.

“Chas, I know you hate me but I’ll prove you wrong.” He says, she turns around and her jaw tightens.

“You better.” It’s more than he expected, he’ll take that.

It’s all he needs right now, and then he turns back into the room and looks at Aaron smiley and laughing down at the little girl.

“I’ve just realised ... you should tell Vic and I should tell Adam.” He says, and Robert huffs out a sigh at the thought, it’s overwhelming, it’ll be for later, not now.

“Think we need a name first.” Robert yawns out, rubs at his eyes a little. 

Aaron gulps, and then strokes a hand across her tiny face. “How about Eve?”

Robert’s eyes flicker. “For Christmas Eve.” He says, he smiles a little and thinks back to how adamant Aaron was about him naming her. It makes him smile even more. “I like it.”

“We could uh ...” Aaron looks nervous suddenly. “We could give her Sarah as a middle name.” He whispers. “If that’s what you want. I don’t want to ...”

He remembers a conversation between them, over pizza and bad TV, he mentioned Sarah and what she would think about this all. Maybe she’d be disappointed. Maybe she’d be a little proud for him stepping up like this.

Robert nods quickly, and she gurgles against Aaron’s chest. “Think she approves to.” He says, eyes wide and soft and he’s never felt so content before.

“Go into my bag.” Aaron says and Robert frowns before reaching inside and seeing the small plush giraffe sitting on the top of a towel. 

“You packed it?”

“It’s her first toy.” Aaron shrugs and Robert just has to bite his lip to stop from crying. “Pass it over then.” He says, and when Robert does, he watches Aaron place it against the little girl who moves her head up and down near it. “She loves it.” He says and Robert loves her, he loves her so much.

If someone told him his year would end like this he would have lost his mind over it entirely but now it feels different. It feels so right.

He leans up, kisses at Eve and then swoops up to kiss Aaron. He’s tentative, almost like he’s still unsure but Aaron pushes his lips towards Robert’s eagerly and when he pulls away he sees that Aaron’s got tears in his eyes.

He hopes they’re happy ones.

He has the same sort of ones in his eyes.

 

—

 

“Evie, nana Chas is going to lose her mind!” The whole place is a mess and she’s rolling about in a pile of presents that she shouldn’t have been allowed to open yet.

Vic’s due any second and they were meant to wait for the whole family to be here.

Aaron doesn’t seem to understand. “Just chill out, she’ll have plenty more presents.” He says, he has his feet up on the sofa and he strokes Robert’s back before picking up their little girl and placing her on his lap.

“Yeah but these were from us. It’s her first birthday Aaron.” Robert reasons, and Aaron just rolls his eyes at him lovingly and tells him to chill out again.

“It’s also Christmas Eve, which means she’ll have a dozen more coming tomorrow.” Aaron reasons, and then he pulls at Robert’s hand and drags him down onto the sofa. It makes Eve giggle like crazy and it makes Robert feel a bit more relaxed.

She’s wearing a little dress. Vic’s bought her this red bow and it’s meant to keep her curls at bay but it’s pretty pointless really. 

“Let’s just enjoy the quiet before they all come.” Aaron says, and Robert understands what he means. The Sugdens and the Dingles hardly do things by half, he rememberers when they moved into the Mill and they didn’t leave until just gone midnight. 

“I know, they’re crazy.” Robert rubs a hand across his face and thinks only of Bernice telling everyone she knows that her step brother has had a kid with a bloke. She thinks it’s incredible. It makes him laugh a little but Aaron looks a little more sober when he thinks about the start of the year.

“They stepped up though didn’t they.” He says. “When I was ...”

He doesn’t say his name, he doesn’t really have to. His dad’s dead and buried now but they had to deal with everything before that. Chas getting close to him again, still frosty with her son and Robert over everything, Aaron freaking out when she let him near Eve without his say so.

He’d fucked him up, he deserved the eighteen years he got. Aaron didn’t deserve the breakdown he had over it though, the nights spent crying and not wanting to be near Eve. 

Robert nods slowly. “Yeah, we’re lucky.” Because they stepped up, everyone helped out when they could. “I’m lucky.” He says, looks down at Eve and then up towards Aaron. He kisses him softly, and then it deepens into something more and yeah their whole sex life has taken a hit but it only makes times like this a little more exciting.

Obviously the door goes. Obviously it’s Vic and Adam — the godparents as they like to call themselves despite the absence of a christening — and they’ve bought a massive teddy.

Eve’s face lights up and she leans over towards her auntie Vic for cuddles. Vic takes her in her arms and Robert watches with a soft smile on his face until the door goes and Diane stands there with Andy and Doug.

Andy. 

He stayed away for the first few months, only really reached out when everything with Gordon happened. They’re not going to be the same, they never will be but he shows up with the kids and they adore Eve.

“You coming in then?” Robert says and Diane squeezes his cheek, Andy nods a little and he’s got a bag of presents for her. “She’s only one.”

Andy nods. “Well yeah but still ...”

It means a lot.

 

—

 

Chas and the rest of the Dingles show up in a whirlwind. She’s annoyed for about ten seconds about the opened presents before she squeezes at Evie and makes Aaron feel light. 

They’re better now, no secrets gnawing away at him anymore. 

She actually likes Robert. It’s all very odd but they wouldn’t swap it for what it was like before. 

They think back to that first Christmas Day, Lydia giving them a little card about it being the baby’s first Christmas. It was adorable and although Chas hardly said a word, they remember it fondly.

The three of them huddled into Aaron’s room, just watching her and trying not to think about all the inappropriate jokes Cain said over Christmas dinner about their modern family set up.

This is better though, and tomorrow will be better because they’ll all be together without bitterness or sadness.

Robert watches from the kitchen as he sees Aaron pulling faces at Evie whilst Belle holds her. He doesn’t know it yet but he’s surprising him with Liv showing up, Aaron’s sarky sister, she lives with her mum in Ireland and Aaron doesn’t see enough of her at all. 

He feels even more content than he did a year ago, not because his business is booming or because Chrissie has taken him back, but because he has *this. In fact his business could be doing better, the divorce was put through ages ago now, and he’s probably going to have to deal with a lot more drama at some point in the near future.

But this is good.

Aaron’s calling him over, looks so happy and in love with him and he waves Evie’s hand towards Robert like she wants him too. She just beams at him, he doesn’t know how he got from not knowing how to change a nappy to her looking at him like this. 

But life, it’s good.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> the end! 
> 
> so uhhhh what would you say to me potentially making this into a series? i want to explore all the stuff i wrote in the last bit of this. it’s just an idea at the moment but your thoughts on this piece and the potential for more are welcome and very much appreciated!


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